BBC correspondent: I fled Gaza but I'm overwhelmed by guilt about family still there

It's been 10 months since my family near Gaza but we proceed to unrecorded pinch nan loss, nan pain, nan effect of nan warfare successful each its excruciating detail.

This period - conscionable earlier nan day of nan opening of nan conflict - we saw nan astir harrowing 8 hours we've knowledgeable successful that time.

We received a video connection from my wife's relative successful Gaza, saying: "The tanks are surrounding america and firing astatine us. These could beryllium nan past moments of our lives.

"Pray for america and do thing to prevention us.”

My woman collapsed, she moreover mislaid consciousness: her uncle, aunts and their families - 26 group successful total- were each nether attack.

Israeli raids and advances into cities and villages each complete Gaza - targeting Hamas - person been communal for astir of this twelvemonth now.

We didn't perceive thing from them for respective hours. They were nether bombardment nan full time. Then, finally, a sound note: "Four group person been injured. Your aunt Wafaa is bleeding, her information is critical."

I made countless calls, to nan Red Cross, nan Palestinian Red Crescent, anyone who could help.

After 8 hours, nan Israeli service yet allowed them to evacuate and move nan wounded connected foot.

But it was excessively precocious for Wafaa - she succumbed to her injuries soon aft reaching nan hospital.

We still person truthful galore relatives successful Gaza. My begetter is there, surviving successful a shelter successful nan confederate metropolis of Khan Younis, which was bombed again this week.

I'm often overwhelmed by guilt erstwhile I telephone him from Istanbul, wherever I’ve fled to pinch my woman and 2 children.

There are truthful galore group for illustration me, successful Turkey, successful Egypt, and further afield astir nan world - nan UK, nan US, Europe - wherever we’ve had to spell to find safety.

Not everyone tin get out, only those pinch capable money to salary nan precocious fees for transition elsewhere.

But successful Egypt alone, much than 100,000 Gazans person crossed southbound into nan state since November.

They’re not nether contiguous threat location from Israel's bombs. But galore are struggling to provender their families, supply acquisition for their children, and conscionable re-establish nan basics of a normal life.

In an open-air, bustling café successful Nasr City successful Cairo, dozens of recently arrived refugees huddle successful mini groups, puffing connected hookahs, sharing stories astir their homeland.

They're trying to alleviate nan pangs of longing for those not presently pinch them. They cling to dream that nan warfare will extremity soon, that they tin return. But there’s a changeless thrum of anxiety.

A large accepted Palestinian opus plays complete nan speakers - a deed by Palestinian vocalist Mohammed Assaf, who won nan Arab Idol title a fewer years ago.

“Pass done Gaza and buss its sand. Its group are brave and its men are strong.”

58-year-old Abu Anas Ayyad is among those sitting there, listening. In his past life he had been known arsenic nan “King of Gravel”, a successful businessman who had supplied building materials to constructions sites each complete Gaza.

He and his family - including 4 children - escaped. But: “Every rocket that hits a building successful Gaza feels for illustration a portion of my bosom shattering.

"I still person family and friends there,” he says.

“All of this could person been avoided. But Hamas has a different opinion."

He rues nan Iran-backed group’s onslaught successful Israel connected 7 October 2023 and nan consequences now.

“Despite my emotion for Gaza, I will not return if Hamas remains successful power,” he says. He doesn’t want his children to beryllium “used arsenic pawns successful a vulnerable crippled played by reckless leaders for nan liking of Iran.”

Sitting adjacent is Mahmoud Al Khozondr, who earlier nan warfare had tally his family’s renowned hummus and falafel shop successful Gaza. It's an institution successful nan territory - known for its nutrient and personage clientele. The precocious Palestinian president Yasser Arafat had been a predominant patron, often spotted astatine its tables.

Mahmoud shows maine pictures of his erstwhile well-appointed family location connected his phone. They now unrecorded successful a cramped two-room apartment. His children can’t spell to school.

“It’s a miserable life,” he says. “We mislaid everything backmost home. But we must emergence again,” he says.

“We request nutrient for our children, and assistance for our group still successful Gaza.”

Living successful exile successful Egypt is not easy. The authorities person allowed Palestinians to enactment temporarily, but they don’t assistance charismatic residency. They limit entree to acquisition and different cardinal services.

Many Gazans effort and nonstop money backmost to support relatives still successful Gaza – but remittance fees are steep and warfare merchants return a 30% cut.

“It’s heart-breaking to spot profits being made from our loved ones' suffering,” Mahmoud Saqr tells me.

He utilized to ain an electronics shop successful Gaza. These days he has to return a bundle of rate to a shop successful Cairo to transportation money to his sister.

“There’s nary receipt, nary proof—just a connection hours later confirming they’ve received nan money,” he tells me, describing nan process.

“It’s risky, because we don’t cognize who is progressive successful this transaction but we person nary choice.”

These are hopeless times for everyone.

Over nan past twelvemonth successful Turkey, I’ve tried successful vain to create a serene surviving situation for my family.

But each clip we spell to a restaurant, my children reminisce astir their favourite spots successful Gaza, their ample home, their games shop, their friends astatine nan equine club, their classmates.

Some of those classmates person been killed successful nan Israeli aerial strikes, which continue.

But since October 7, clip has stood still for us. We person yet to move connected from that day.

We whitethorn person escaped physically, but our souls and hearts remained tethered to our loved ones successful Gaza.