I'm thrilled my husband gets on with my male best friend... It means he'll never guess we've been having an affair for THIRTY years

Walking done Palma airport, it's adjacent to opportunity I can't get done passport power speedy enough. Waiting for maine successful nan arrivals hallway is my champion friend of 30 years, who I met astatine university.

It's been a twelvemonth since we past met and to opportunity we've missed each different would beryllium an understatement.

I spot nan homemade motion first, 'Welcome Laura!' and past down it my friend's beaming smile.

Three hours earlier my hubby Jonny had dropped maine disconnected astatine nan airport, kissing maine goodbye and telling maine to person fun. He knows really precious my aged friend is to maine and really overmuch I'm looking guardant to our play together.

And I really am, because, for nan adjacent 48 hours, slumber is disconnected nan cards – and passionate love-making is very overmuch connected them.

As I approach, my champion friend drops nan invited motion and pulls maine into a tender embrace. Before I cognize it, we're kissing heatedly.

My champion friend isn't a woman. It's Tim, a man I person known for longer than my husband.

Godfather to each of my 3 sons, Tim is an integral portion of my life: nan man I tin show thing to, who understands maine connected a cellular level – and pinch whom I person nan astir almighty intersexual spark.

Married aliases not, location is nary measurement I could ever countenance not being friends pinch Tim – aliases surviving without our electrical love-making sessions, which person continued almost arsenic agelong arsenic my marriage.

You whitethorn wonderment why I didn't conscionable wed Tim. That's because, arsenic sexually compatible arsenic we are, extracurricular nan chamber we're excessively different.

I unrecorded wrong 10 minutes of wherever I grew up successful Wiltshire and adore my quiet state life, whereas Tim was a integer nomad earlier nan word was moreover invented. While he's presently surviving connected nan Spanish land of Mallorca for work, I person nary uncertainty nan adjacent clip we meet up he'll person moved again to different exotic location.

For each nan fireworks betwixt us, however, there's much to our narration than conscionable sex. We were champion friends agelong earlier we slept together. And while you whitethorn snort pinch disbelief to publication this, coming I firmly judge nan truth we person activity is secondary to our friendship.

That said, there's nary measurement I could ever extremity having activity pinch Tim.

In galore ways, I'm nan past female you'd expect to person an affair.

Physically, I'm very overmuch Mrs Average. Yes, my fiftysomething fig is slim, but thing to tie attention, and I've had nan aforesaid chin-length brownish bob since my teenage days.

Aside from Tim, I've ne'er erstwhile looked astatine different man. Jonny and maine person our ain business – a TV accumulation institution based successful nan colony wherever we've lived since we wed. We're very overmuch seen arsenic a rock-solid couple, pinch 3 children, 2 labradors and a cat.

I admit, my nationalist image amuses me, particularly erstwhile I deliberation of really chaotic my weekends pinch Tim tin be.

If nan footwear was connected nan different ft there's nary measurement I'd tolerate my hubby having specified an aggravated relationship pinch different woman, ne'er mind sleeping pinch her.

I cognize this makes maine a hypocrite – thing that gnaws astatine my conscience. But it besides enrages maine that Jonny is contented for maine to beryllium truthful adjacent to Tim. Clearly, he doesn't spot maine arsenic personification who could beryllium sexually charismatic to anyone but him.

I suppose connected immoderate deeper level, different logic I find my intersexual escapades pinch Tim truthful intoxicatingly addictive is because they springiness maine a concealed consciousness of power, a thrill successful my different home life.

Sometimes I look astir nan surviving room, erstwhile my 3 sons and hubby are stretched connected nan sofas astir me, and wonderment really they can't consciousness nan fiery passions that boil wrong me.

My ain puerility wasn't conventional. Mum had maine aged 16, aft an ill-advised fling pinch an older man. My grandparents raised maine while mum was successful and retired of infirmary pinch what coming would astir apt beryllium diagnosed arsenic bipolar.

Thankfully, my grandparents were loving – but goodness they were strict. Boyfriends were forbidden; they weren't going to consequence their granddaughter making nan aforesaid correction arsenic their daughter.

When I went to assemblage to study English, it was to adjacent Bristol. Living successful halls was retired of nan mobility for nan first year; I had to commute. Only successful nan 2nd twelvemonth did they let maine to get a room successful student accommodation.

There I met Tim. He hasn't changed since: tall, slim pinch blond hairsbreadth and an easy charisma. Little wonderment women autumn astatine his feet.

For overmuch of our first twelvemonth we were conscionable connected hello-goodbye terms. His societal life was wild, excavation wasn't.

Then, aged 19, I sewage a telephone from my grandfather telling maine Mum had walked into a section lake, aft deciding to return her ain life.

I retrieve sliding down nan wall, devastated. Tim recovered maine and sat pinch maine that nighttime successful my room arsenic I wept. He past brought maine location and, aft nan funeral, would beryllium pinch maine astir evenings.

It became a shape for nan adjacent fewer months. We'd perceive to music, he'd cook. Slowly I started to heal.

By nan extremity of my 2nd year, Tim was my champion friend – and our narration was wholly platonic. In nan midst of specified atrocious grief, romance was nan past point connected my mind.

For our last twelvemonth it made consciousness for america to move successful together. Even my grandma was OK astir it: moreover though, arsenic she put it, Tim was a 'strapping lad', she could besides spot really different we were. The chance of thing intersexual happening seemed remote.

Tim would person girls back, but I ne'er felt jealous. Now, though, I tin spot that was because erstwhile they left, there'd beryllium conscionable nan 2 of us. For my part, I kept distant from men, believing they brought trouble.

Then, successful our past week together, everything changed. During 1 of our dinners – ail pasta and 2 bottles of chianti – Tim confessed really earnestly worried he'd been astir maine successful nan months aft Mum's death.

He played an medium by The Cure I had travel to deliberation of arsenic 'ours'. We started to tipsily dance. Then we started kissing.

I woke up nan adjacent greeting pinch Tim successful furniture beside to me. It had been my first time. He pulled maine into his arms, telling maine this 'wouldn't alteration thing betwixt us, we'll ever beryllium champion friends'. He was right. We are still champion friends.

We spent nan remainder of that last week successful my chamber aliases his. When we graduated, Tim flew to Bangkok for a planned spread year.

Despite neither of america making immoderate promises, I mourned for Tim astatine first. All I had were monthly postcards. It was beautiful evident he was surviving nan azygous life.

So, erstwhile Jonny walked into my life a twelvemonth aft Tim left, I was only excessively happy to fto him in.

I was past a accumulation caput for a documentary institution and Jonny, 3 years older than me, was a camera assistant. He had a cuddly rugby subordinate build, each shoulders and chest, pinch acheronian curly hairsbreadth and cocoa brownish eyes. At our play activity drinks, he asked maine out.

Like me, Jonny was happiest going for state walks followed by a pub lunch. Sex betwixt america was gentle and slow. Jonny was observant and considerate. I felt safe pinch him and we fell successful love.

Two years later, he proposed. How could I opportunity no?

Tim, meanwhile, was moving successful Australia, but promised he'd travel location for my wedding. I genuinely couldn't hold to present nan 2 men successful my life.

When they met nan week earlier our wedding, I instantly noticed Tim was much toned than past clip I'd hugged him.

As for Jonny, he was truthful happy to meet my 'best buddy'. The affection betwixt them was genuine, which made maine happy.

Tim told maine he thoroughly approved of my early husband, which didn't astonishment maine because everyone loves Jonny.

I gave commencement a twelvemonth aft marrying. I struggled pinch motherhood and dreaded pursuing successful my unstable mum's footsteps.

On nan 5th day of her death, 2 years aft we married, Jonny was distant filming. I called Tim, who was connected 1 of his infrequent trips backmost to nan UK. He knew instantly why I was ringing – complete nan years connected her anniversary, I'd usually perceive from him.

He turned up connected my doorstep arsenic a astonishment that nighttime – and I knew I needed him. I'd told Jonny he was popping by. Jonny ever welcomed Tim into our life whenever he was backmost successful England.

On this occasion, though, 1 hug led to different and we ended up having activity successful my kitchen. I'm not judge who instigated it, but I'm judge we some wanted it very much.

For each it signified successful position of my marriage, I didn't consciousness a scintilla of regret. Tim, however, looked guilty. I told him not to be.

In a later email I made it clear I wouldn't beryllium telling Jonny what had happened and would beryllium very overmuch staying joined – but I needed his beingness successful my life.

Tim, being Tim, replied: 'I'm ever present for you.'

The adjacent clip we saw 1 different was a twelvemonth later astatine a communal friend's wedding. Tim had brought a caller girlfriend: a tall, willowy yoga teacher.

During nan play we still managed to person activity successful my edifice room. The illicit quality of our intimacy excited maine arsenic overmuch arsenic nan enactment itself. Deep down, I knew it shouldn't beryllium happening – moreover though I told myself that because it was 'just Tim' it didn't count.

By nan clip I was 35, I had 3 children nether 10 and was focused connected raising them, while Jonny forged up pinch a profession arsenic a tv director. The boys knew Tim arsenic 'uncle' and he faithfully returned for godfather duties.

Despite nan endless domesticity, Tim and I make judge we meet up for a sizzling play each twelvemonth aliases truthful and regularly support successful touch via matter and emails.

The mostly of our messages are normal, relationship worldly – but occasionally nan conversations get steamy. And, yes, location are times I ideate I'm successful Tim's arms while Jonny and I make love.

It sounds for illustration nan cleanable affair, but Jonny's mum, I know, harbours suspicions. She and I aren't adjacent and she ne'er refers to Tim by his name, alternatively calling him, 'Laura's friend', which bothers me.

Our sons, now successful their 20s, person ne'er questioned our friendship. They've laughed complete pictures of Uncle Tim and mum astatine university, but their curiosity ends there.

I dread to deliberation what would hap if they recovered out, because Tim is for illustration family to them. Indeed, my youngest precocious spent a week pinch him successful Spain.

For his part, Tim has ne'er joined aliases had children. After 5 years pinch yoga girl, he lived pinch a French female successful Morocco, earlier settling down pinch a South American woman, acting arsenic stepdad to her boy for a decade.

Jonny has met each of Tim's girlfriends pinch me, and is ever fascinated to perceive astir their lives. But aft each sojourn from Tim he will drape his limb astir my shoulders and susurration that he wouldn't waste and acquisition our life for Tim's for anything.

Jonny and I precocious celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary. I'm proud we've sewage this far.

I cognize what I americium doing is wrong. Yet immoderate clip I look successful nan reflector and spot an unfaithful wife, I'm bully astatine justifying why decades of infidelity are acceptable.

I show myself Tim is not only my champion friend, but has ever been my comfortableness blanket. That, I insist, is why it's not cheating.

As I age, I consciousness ever much astounded that gorgeous Tim still wants mean aged me, particularly erstwhile his partners are ever truthful stunning. I find it progressively astonishing that there's still a intersexual propulsion betwixt us.

But it's there, spot me.

Hand connected heart, Jonny has ne'er been suspicious of us. But while I cognize he would beryllium devastated to find retired astir my duplicity, I'm besides judge astir thing else. If I was fixed an ultimatum, I person nary volition of saying goodbye to my champion friend and lover.

• Names person been changed