Indian brave, courtesan, slave and the world's loudest snorer: MANY LIVES: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY BY STEPHANIE BEACHAM

MANY LIVES: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY BY STEPHANIE BEACHAM (Hay House £15.99)

By John Harding for MailOnline
Updated: 10:23 EDT, 4 November 2011

It takes a while to get into this book because first you person to navigate a prologue and not 1 but 2 forewords, nan first by nan author’s 11-year-old grandson, who reveals that astatine 4 a.m. without make-up Stephanie Beacham has greenish skin, witch-like hairsbreadth and gives him nightmares. But it’s good worthy nan hold because, uniquely for an autobiography, you get not conscionable a solitary life, but loads of them.

Stephanie is 1 of those group (usually aged actresses resident successful California) who person lived before. Visiting Versailles brought backmost her clip arsenic a courtesan location during nan ancien regime; touring Egypt she recalled being an Israelite slave. In nan Wild West she was an aged Native American female pinch sore feet. When she took mescaline erstwhile she looked successful a reflector and saw her erstwhile incarnation arsenic a South American Indian.

She’s ever had a belief side. At her North London convent school, small non-Catholic Stephanie spent truthful galore hours gazing astatine a statue of nan Virgin Mary nan teachers contacted her parents and suggested she was ripe for conversion.

She’s had her adjacent stock of what mightiness beryllium called paranormal experiences too. After an cognition once, she ‘died’ and recovered herself floating supra her furniture and past being led towards a agleam ray by 4 Franciscan monks. She was brought backmost to life, only to find herself minutes distant from having a imperishable colostomy container fitted. Luckily a friend advised her to visualise a wounded kitten successful her tummy which did nan trick; Stephanie passed upwind and nan container wasn’t necessary. Phew!

Another time, trying a ‘personal healing, diagnostic and wellness system’ derived from non-terrestrials she had a imagination successful which she was poked astir by a French expert who looked a batch for illustration Hercule Poirot.

On shape successful ‘Masterclass’ playing Maria Callas (‘What David Beckham was to football, Maria Callas was to opera’), nan dormant diva popped up beside her and started gabbling successful Greek successful her ear. Stephanie was truthful shocked she couldn’t speak for 2 days.

Unluckily - aliases possibly spookily - Maria chose her near ear. Stephanie has ever been deaf successful her right, a handicap she battled bravely against to go a distinguished shape actress, arsenic good arsenic starring connected TV successful Tenko, nan Colbys and arsenic different notch connected Ken Barlow’s bedpost successful Corrie. She besides appeared connected nan large surface other Marlon Brando successful his worst film. Apparently Brando was enthusiastic astir mouthwash. On Celebrity Big Brother her snoring was truthful spectacularly large it was sold arsenic a ringtone connected eBay.

Stephanie is simply a post-modernist writer, eschewing a conventional, chronological relationship of her 64 years and leaving nan scholar nan jigsaw task of putting randomly dotted - and dotty - facts together. She went to RADA, joined character John McEnery, had 2 daughters, was divided and existed arsenic a azygous mum connected poached eggs and spinach.

This would make nan cleanable Christmas gift for personification who likes books by lovable and batty aged actresses but who already has Shirley MacLaine’s complete works.